This is definitely not my usual content and not a post like any I’ve written before. Part of my goal for 2023 was to share more of myself with my past, current, and potential future clients. Taking a step outside of my comfort zone was the intent. Going through what these past two-plus years have been like was certainly not. Now, I’m not somebody who is brilliant with words. My creativity tends to be of the visual persuasion. But this is a huge part of my life right now and it felt like something I needed to share. Partly for me. Partly for anybody else going through the same journey as me…so they know they’re not alone.
This journey started back in the summer of 2021. Ryan and I had been talking for years and years about what it would be like to finally have our own little ones running around but the time just never felt right. With him back into teaching and me with photography, we finally felt like it was the right time. It finally felt like we were ready for our turn and ready for our own little babies to enter this world. My sister had gotten pregnant on her first try and Ryan’s sister got pregnant without even intending to…so why should we be any different?
Well…turns out that our circumstances would be very different.
For months we eagerly awaited the end of the month and every month that awful time came when we knew we had failed. Again…and again…and again. After about a year of trying and failing, I did what anybody would do and scheduled with the old OBGYN. Btw, she is phenomenal and I highly recommend Women’s Health CT to anybody looking for an amazing practice!! Anyways, we have a consultation and schedule the things. First was routine bloodwork, which came back normal, and an ultrasound, which showed nothing abnormal. Zero answers. Great.
From there, I was referred out and ended up with Yale Reproductive Endocrinology & Infertility, which have also been the most amazing people to work with. We scheduled more bloodwork that came back normal and another ultrasound that showed nothing abnormal. Not shocking to me really.
Then they scheduled me a sonohysterogram which was absolutely awful but finally gave some results. Turns out, I have a blocked right tube. Considering I’ve suspected I have endometriosis for years, this was also not shocking. Apparently, endo isn’t something anyone in the medical field ever really discusses though because even with my entire history and what they found, not a peep was mentioned…so that’s great I guess.
Anyways, I tried a few unsuccessful months on Clomid which brings me to now. Instead of waiting and hoping, Ryan and I are ready to be a little more proactive. I have officially begun the process for my first month of IUI and have a consultation next month to discuss surgery to unblock that right tube. Am I terrified, absolutely. I have an incredibly low pain tolerance and some pretty bad medical trauma making me not excited for this journey.
What I thought was going to be this simple and beautiful creation of life has turned into 27 months of pain, sadness, defeat, grief, and so many more emotions than I can even put into words. I’d be lying if I said I was as hopefully going into each month now as I was in the beginning. Ryan is feeling great about our odds with IUI but I doubt much will work until after my surgery later this year.
So with all of that said, we are on a scary and incredibly long journey to getting Baby L. I know it will happen one day…I just wish that day was today.