Welp, here we are again. I’m a mixed bag of feelings and I don’t even know how to begin processing it all.

 

The good news is that I got pregnant. Naturally. Without Doctors poking me with needles for a month straight and constant monitoring of my insides.

 

The bad news is that pregnancy was a “Chemical Pregnancy” which essentially means a miscarriage before most people even realize they’re pregnant.

 

But if you’ve been through a miscarriage before, you’ll recognize the signs all too well.

 

I knew I was pregnant this time…but also didn’t feel excited. It felt “off” in a way I can’t describe. It felt different. I think somewhere in my mind and my heart, I knew this pregnancy wasn’t going to last.

 

And strangely, I’m at peace. I know that my body is capable of getting pregnant without medical intervention. That feels like a miracle most days. But now I worry that my body is incapable of staying pregnant. That’s not something I ever worried about until now.

 

But our journey isn’t over. Just a bit more heartbreak adding to the pain we’ve already felt all these years.

 

We both know that, whatever happens, the day we get to hold our little one for the first time is going to be the greatest day of our lives. Even if it takes just a little bit longer.

 

Until then…

 

Love,

Chelsea